How to Visit a New Mom Part Three: Encouraging Words vs. Unsolicited Advice

If you missed the start of this series, we introduced Christina who is reflecting on having her first baby to give us a little guide on the do’s and don’ts of visiting a new Mom. If your thinking of dropping by, giving unsolicited advice or just curious about the best way to bless a new Mom, read on!

I recall those first weeks or so when I was a new mom, and then again when I had my second. It’s a roller coaster of emotions, fatigue, and pure joy. Truly, I loved receiving well wishes and people wanting to see my new love, so guests were welcome. It warmed our hearts to see how happy people were, and I will remember it always. However, looking back there were a few things that really stood out and made things easier for me, and some that maybe made me feel a little overwhelmed. Here are some of the key things that, I feel, are important to cover, if visiting a new mom, as per my experience

Encouraging Words vs. Unsolicited Advice

I was so adamant about breastfeeding, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I thankfully had an amazingly supportive husband who told me I could do it and a doctor that explained how long it would take and to not give up. I did have some people assume the baby was hungry when he would cry and push me to give formula or ask things such as “you want to wait for you milk to come in to feed the baby?” or “your milk is still not in?” There was nothing out of the ordinary happening, actual breast milk takes a bit to come in, I know that now. However, at the time I got so upset, I started to doubt my choices, I would cry, feeling perhaps I was a bad mom. I wasn’t. Those people just needed to back off and go away. After a visit with my amazing doctor, talking with friends that had the same struggles, I got my positive attitude back.

If you are around a new mom, be positive and supportive, and understanding. Do not give them disparaging attitude or pass judgement, ask what their plan is and offer advice, if you feel it is being requested.

I was immensely thankful to the moms that came to visit and gave me very useful tips when they saw I was struggling, and gave me encouraging words like “you can do it” or “I know how you feel, but it will get better.” Sometimes, not even in person, I would receive text messages from friends saying to ask them if I had questions, or just sending me hello baby messages. I thought that was so amazing and what I needed, and loved all that. I never felt bothered one bit by a call or text, in fact, I appreciated it. Showing your love through messages and calls is awesome, it is sometimes those messages that gives you a smile when you have been up all night with a crying newborn (do not take it personally if a new mom doesn’t respond right away, they are reading it and loving it, but are sometimes terrible at responding).

Written by Christina Chandra. Christina Chandra is mom to two toddlers and enjoys discovering eateries and play places around the city. When she isn’t playing with her loves, trying a new smoothie recipe, or trying to stay afloat with busy mom life, she is blogging at Turning Mommy.

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